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Created by United_Fools 1 week, 1 day ago
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Created by anonymous 5 days, 2 hours ago
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Why is seeing doctors so expensive in America?

Doc, it hurts when I touch my shoulder.

Okay, I'll have my nurse schedule you for an X-Ray, an MRI, a Tomography scan an ultra sound, and we probably should do an EEG and an EKG.
I'll want a full serum workup, we'll also need to schedule you for a biopsy. Until we have a better understanding I'm going to need to see you every two weeks so we can monitor you and track your vitals. I'll give you a referral to an ortho and you'll need to have a neurologist examine you as well.
I'm going to write you a prescription for Oxycontin to help with the pain. Also some Tylenol 3, a muscle relaxer, an anti-depressant and something for anti anxiety. You'll probably need something to help you sleep too. My nurse will come in and give you a toradol shot. If it gets any worse call the office and I'll fax your pharmacy an order for Fetanyl. I'm going to start you on a nicotine patch and I want to quit smoking immediately. When you leave today they'll give you a diet plan. You'll need to lose 50lbs in one month. I hope you like rice. I mean like REALLY like it. Take this form to the medical supply and have them fit you for a sling and a synthetic cuff. That should take care of it. I'll see you in two weeks.

Wow, I didn't think it was THAT serious. How much is this going to cost?

Oh don't worry. You only have to pay for the office visit today. It'll be $180. You can pay at the desk while they schedule your appointments. We'll bill your insurance a ridiculously inflated price since we know they'll only approve like 80% and actually only pay out 60% of that. Of course any co-pays, deductibles, and cost-sharing is between you and your insurance company. Of course any procedures, tests, equipment, lab work and medications not covered by your policy you'll be responsible for. Of course, that means those things not covered or approved you'll be billed at the ridiculously inflated price since you don't have the same negotiating power and it would look suspicious if we charged you a reasonable rate when we had already quoted a much higher rate to the insurance. But don't worry about it, most people don't pay anything out-of-pocket, I mean that's what the reps tell me when we play golf. I really don't have time to worry about all that and you shouldn't either, You'll be fine. We'll take good care of you.

Well, ok then. Thank you doc.

You bet! I'll see you two!
Oh, and one more thing...

Yes doctor?

It would be a good idea not to touch that shoulder.

Thank you doctor.


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